I Have Beached

beach (1)       Three years I surfed the pages,

arms extended, fingers outstretched,

the gray continental sky indifferent to my need for light;

beach (2)Three years I paced the shore,

back and forth, tracing the break’s contour,

shifting, ephemeral, undulating;

beach (4)On the beach on the sand that is my brain,

lets information like water, in,

pass through, then away, soaked;

beach (5)Three years the troughs and crests and I

kept holding hands and letting go.

The other day I traced the shore at the bus stop.

Concrete platform undulating like lapping waves.

Cigarette butts like flotsam lining the pavement.

I saw the sea foam in my mind.

beach (7)I smelled the salty air.

I heard the rush and splash.

I felt the breeze in my hair.

beach (8)Three years came to pass and I arrived

at how it should have been all along.

how next, Lord?: battling incoherence

Lord, it’s been a long time, since, since when, when I could, I would, think.

it’s been a long time… here I am, again, sitting before You, Lord,

with nothing, with all that I have been, I was, Lord, I’m…


…I have to start. I must continue. Lord, how?


how will You do it, Lord? Where to? Is it possible? Can we do it? Isn’t it too late yet?


Here we are at it again, Lord. And it has become more improbable than all those, the rest, ever were. By the world, I would tend to blame myself. But I’m not ready to, I mean, I won’t blame myself. There are blind spots and it could be said that this is how it should be, that I’m in the best position possible.


Lord, please help me not to be afraid and not to lose hope. And help me to work properly. Just help me to work, and hard, and not stop until I’d nearly drop.


Let’s do this again, Lord, like we did all those, the rest, together. Let’s go.


A Prayer Before Sleeping

Dear God

thank you for the dayDSCF2148 c

thank you for the many things that happened today

please take care of my mom, and my sister,

and my brother, and his family,

and my uncles and aunts, and my cousins,

DSCF2148and my friends,

and my enemies,

and the rich people,

and the poor people,

everyone in the world.

Thank you that there is you being with us,

for holding the world in your hands.

I don’t have a gut understanding of “worshipping you”

so I can’t really say “I worship you”,

and I really don’t mind that I don’t have a feeling for what it means,

but what I know is that I am thankful

that you have made us like this,DSCF2148 b

that you have allowed us to live, as humans,

that we are alive in this world.

Because it’s beautiful, living in this world,

being able to feel in so many ways,

happiness, sadness, pain, failure, triumph, want, need,

being able to see, being afraid, savoring all that life has to offer,

just being human, putting us in a place you’ve prepared for us,

and there being you.


atoms, summer weeds, and thoughts


thoughts launched into cyberspace are like atoms in Brownian motion…

atoms in the biosphere, in the atmosphere, in geological layers, in outer space,

atoms from the stars, going to the stars, suspended in the near vacuum of interstellar quasi-gas,

atoms inside my body, flushed out of my body, going to the ocean, to the ground, to the fishes, to the plants,

atoms I breathe in from somebody, I breathe out to somebody, suspended for a time, received at one time,

atoms that may touch just one atom at a time, but who knows which atom, but who knows what impact,

but who knows to what direction next, to which act affects, to which thought launched anew …


…thoughts, like the flowering summer weeds, random,

razed,  Image

springing up again,

random, appearing,

everywhere and nowhere,

alive, amazing, just there…

to dig is to see the surface

dogwood cutI wanted to get back to my roots because I thought that’s the only way to paint the correct picture. There’s so much to learn. It’s overwhelming. There are so many perspectives. There are so many desires and hopes and dreams. So many wishes. And plans. In the past. In the now. To do something. To prevent something. To participate. Be a branch. A hand. A leaf, even.

I have already started to dig. What I have dug. At each stage. I was struck by the passion, the convictions, the visions, the integrity of purpose I uncovered, between the lines.

Many sincere souls have already come and gone, and yet, the forces that they opposed still proliferate. Greed. Callousness. Hedonism. Pride and Self-righteousness. Exclusivism. Views that polarize. Mahatma Gandhi — we need what you had. We need the brilliance of your honesty. To self. To people. To life. You were like that Jesus who lived in Nazareth, the one who spoke what was needed to be spoken. The one who wanted people to listen to him, on what should be. But, Mahatma, Jesus, great souls, people still would choose to be deaf even when truth is already crying out loud.

I have already started to dig. But, my God, there is too much already buried underneath. How do I sift through all the rubble that are getting in the way? How do I piece together all the pictures, from below, from here, from beyond, from the not yet?

Pictures keep shifting, like shadows, like water, like light between trees’ leaves. The perspectives are kaleidoscopic. To mortals who aim for the absolute, it is hopeless.

I remembered the Garden of Eden, when God warned against eating from the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Violators will die — be expelled — be separated from where the Tree of Life is. I tried to get hold of this part of the kaleidoscope for me. And I understood. My God, I understood.

daisyIt is this. That. Man is crazy to want to really get hold of THE KNOWLEDGE. OF. GOOD. and evil. This can’t be done. This is what we want, but this can’t be done. This will kill us. It will overwhelm our systems. It will crash the system.

If THIS absolute gets into our hands, it will OSSIFY the system. What will happen to the electrons? How will they spin? What will happen to the fractals? Can you imagine a world without fractals?

Clouds will not condense. We will have no rain. Water will not rise up to the tips of the leaves. What will the butterflies eat? There will be no more wind to shift.

I have started to dig. The base is deep and broad. As I dug, so I saw more — and this is the irony — that I had to uncover before I was able to start to see what already was waiting to be seen.

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greed is in everyone

and who can say that a one-to-one effect is less evil than a many-to-many?

——————————————————————– an excerpt:

Although the five Indian nations had made earlier attempts at resistance, many of their strategies were non-violent. One method was to adopt Anglo-American practices such as large-scale farming, Western education, and slave-holding. This earned the nations the designation of the “Five Civilized Tribes.” They adopted this policy of assimilation in an attempt to coexist with settlers and ward off hostility. But it only made whites jealous and resentful.

from-   -and search for “Indian removal 1814 – 1858


Greed has always been everywhere, any time.

Even before grammar existed to speak of it. Man has always been man.

He is a system of shifting cerebral circuits.

He is prone to so many possibilities.

He could not always control his thoughts and will and desire and action.

He would always be prone to think that he is in the right side of the fence,

painted the correct color, behaving admirably.

When the time comes when skin colors do not matter anymore,

I hope that the heat of the sun will not be too tough on those who are proud that they have less pigments, or have a different sort of “pigment” …

… LOVE, who said that (they) do not know what (they) are doing, will save the day.

remember Einstein

we need to understand that reality is perceived from perspectives;

one people’s reality is different from, obviously, another’s;

and so obviously no one perspective can work for all, in order to describe reality;

like, as above, the word reality has itself been used in different ways;

and even the use of ways is not enough to convey what is wholly meant;

the word sense could have been used; and quotation marks, or italization, would have helped;

yet remember Einstein, and remember Heisenberg;

and look up that article that says that humans do not think in a logical manner, actually,

but intuitively.  S/He processes her thoughts intuitively.  The synapses process thoughts intuitively.  The circuits accommodate intuitive traffic.  The brain was primarily structured for intuition.

Logic is not all.  Reason is not all.  Problem-solving-approach is not all.  Result-oriented is not all.

We are, after all, humans, and not computers.

Let Live

“Live, and let live.”
The turf isn’t boundless yet the possibilities haven’t yet been fully explored;
and there are possibilities that do turn up fresh from time to time,
it is senseless to yearn beyond the bounds
—  that’s already edging towards greed;
it’s absurd to be wanting to be beyond one’s reach  –let that be–
because, here, sometimes, at your feet, looking up at you,
is something amazing and worth your time.
Sometimes we need to stop looking at the strain-to-reach-sites
because, down here, in front of our face, next to our breath,
something needs our sight. We need to look at it.
Leave out some things. Let your self live.